


You Dwarf the Sun(flower)

by angelofthequeers



Series: Beelicious [16]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Adorable Jack, Alternate Universe - Flower Shop, BAMF Jessica Moore, Cas daydreams about marriage, Cas finally sees someone, Castiel Has Issues, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dean don't swear around the kid, Flowers, It only took me a whole year lol, Kissing, Language of Flowers, M/M, Parenthood, Romance, Supportive Dean Winchester, Talking, Therapy, hmmm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-05
Updated: 2018-10-05
Packaged: 2019-07-25 12:51:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16197914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelofthequeers/pseuds/angelofthequeers
Summary: What an interesting day for Cas. Not only has he been Personally Requested by Jess to handle the floral arrangements for her wedding with Sam - and nobody says no to Jess if they can help it - but he's also started seeing therapist Mia Vallens and has reached some very important conclusions about himself.Oh, and Winchester would totally make a great last name for him. Novak is so unmarried.





	You Dwarf the Sun(flower)

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own SPN.
> 
> I know, it's been a LONG time. I've just had to sort out my head, between writer burnout (which, to be fair, is inevitable when you write for 7 years straight), other issues, and spiralling down into Miraculous Ladybug. ~~Help me pls~~
> 
> I realised that there was no good reason for Cas not to be friends with Charlie and Benny, so here's my ass-pull that totally makes sense with the context of Cas' character. ~~I'm just basing this off my own therapy sessions okay even though I don't actually have irl friends to warrant these discussions lol~~
> 
> [Welcome to my Tumblr, please get lost in it forever](http://angelofthequeers.tumblr.com)

“Cas!” Blonde, bubbly Jess leaned over the counter to hug Cas, filling his nostrils with the fruity smell of her apple shampoo. “I need to ask you for a _huge_ favour. It’s a matter of life or death!”

“As a matter of fact, I have the perfect bouquet for someone needing to bribe their partner for forgiveness,” Cas said. Jess rolled her eyes and punched him on the arm.

“Well, I _was_ going to ask the best florist I know to handle our wedding arrangements,” she said. “But I’m not so sure I will anymore.”

“Tragic,” Cas deadpanned. “My business will surely sink after this.”

“My god, you really are perfect for Dean,” Jess said under her breath. “Say you’ll do it for me? Your flowers are clearly good luck because I bought those forget-me-nots for Sam and he asked me to marry him a few days later!”

“I suppose I _could_ ,” Cas said, pretending to consider Jess’ question like he wasn’t going to say yes anyway. “You really need all the good luck you can get.”

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” Jess half-choked Cas to death again, ignoring his jab. “You’re coming to the wedding, of course, even if Dean doesn’t get his head out of his ass and invite you as his plus one –”

“Wait, Dean was going to invite me?” Why this was so surprising, Cas had no idea, since it was practically a given that he’d accompany Dean on occasions like this and vice versa. But Dean hadn’t even brought up going to the wedding, even though they both knew about it after a particularly interesting phone call where Sam broke down in tears and Jess squealed her lungs out in the background. Cas didn’t even want to think about Jess being in labour if she ever decided to have a kid with the poor guy.

“Of course he hasn’t mentioned it yet,” Jess muttered. “Look, mister, you’re coming to our wedding and you’re bringing Dean even if you have to drag him by the ear. I can give you pointers if you want.”

Cas snorted loudly and fiddled with a red tulip with half-drooped petals.

“And you _have_ to bring Jack,” Jess continued. “That kid is the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen, and Sam’s already having anxiety about living up to that when we have a kid of our own. We’ve got a section for the kids to hang out and eat and play while we do all the boring adult stuff, like – you know – getting married.”

“Jack will love to come,” Cas said with a smile. “And so would I. I’ll get it out of Dean one way or another.”

Could it be counted as infidelity if Cas thought of another person’s smile as outshining the sun?

“Cas, you are the literal _best_ and I would marry you if Sam and Dean wouldn’t throw mantrums,” Jess said, pushing a curl out of her face. “I have to get going now or I’ll be late for Dean’s lunch break. Bye, future brother-in-law!”

“What?” Cas spluttered, cheeks heating up. “I – Dean and I aren’t married –”

“You can fix that with some forget-me-nots,” Jess winked. “I did say that Sam proposed days later, didn’t I?”

Before a furiously flushed Cas could say anything, Jess swept from the store. Cas groaned and thumped his head on the counter, trying furiously to tear out the seed that Jess had planted and banish all thoughts of marrying Dean from his mind.

But goddammit, Castiel Winchester had a very nice ring to it. Dean was just lucky that Cas didn’t like hyphenations.

* * *

 

“So, Cas,” Mia began, flipping her notepad to the notes she’d taken last session. “What’s happened since we last met? Anything exciting or interesting?”

“I got asked to handle the floral arrangements for Sam and Jess’ wedding yesterday,” Cas said after a moment, picking at his fingernails. True to his word, he’d started seeing someone once every two weeks, and Mia Vallens was said to be the best therapist around these parts. It just meant that Cas had to close _Beelicious_ for an hour and a half, but that was a small price to pay to have someone he could just _talk_ to without the expectations that familiarity had.

“Jess. Jess Moore, is that right?” Mia said. “You’ve mentioned her quite a few times in the past. You seem to be very fond of her.”

“I am.” Cas let a small smile slip through. “She’s amazing. Sam’s so lucky to be marrying her.”

“Would you say that you consider her a friend?” Mia said, looking up from her notepad. Her stare was piercing yet welcoming, often inviting Cas to offer up information he ordinarily wouldn’t have out of fear of judgement or an inability to properly get his feelings across. But Mia never judged. She simply prodded, encouraging him to continue and take all the time he needed, devoid of any expectations put on him by himself or by other people.

“I would,” Cas said. “A really close friend. If she lived here, I know we’d be best friends.”

“What’s stopping you from being best friends anyway?” Mia said. “Technology exists, Cas. You could call her or Skype her.”

Cas dug particularly hard into a finger, leaving a red crescent mark behind. “It’s just…it’s not the same when it’s not in person.”

“That’s fair enough. Is there anybody closer to home you could consider a friend, apart from Balthazar?”

“Do I really need more friends than Balthazar?”

Mia shrugged. “Not if you really don’t want any. But if you didn’t, I don’t think you would have brought up Jess and your desire to be best friends with her. And it’s always nice to have more than one friend, isn’t it?”

It was Cas’ turn to shrug. “I mean, I could possibly be friends with Charlie or Benny. But…”

“Yes? What’s stopping you from being friends with these people?”

“I – it’s really silly.”

“Cas, nothing’s silly when you’re talking about your feelings,” Mia said with a small, reassuring smile. “If you write your feelings off as ridiculous then you’re not really letting yourself acknowledge and deal with them, are you?”

“How are you so smart?” Cas looked down and laughed. Mia laughed with him.

“I have a degree,” she said dryly. “It’s my job to help you figure out how to be smart about yourself.”

They lapsed into silence for a moment so that Cas could gather his thoughts. Mia patiently waited for him.

“Well…they’re Dean’s friends,” Cas said. “And I – I don’t know. I just feel like there’s that barrier between me and them. They’re ‘Dean’s friends’, even if I make friends with them too. It feels like I’ll just be…there. And if – and if things go wrong between me and Dean…I don’t want to put them in the position of choosing.”

“Wouldn’t it be that way with Jess, as Sam’s fiancée?” Mia said. “And yet you’ve expressed a strong desire to be friends with her. Are your feelings towards Charlie and Benny different because they actually live here and you see them in person?”

Cas shrugged. “Maybe. I don’t know,” he said, even though Mia made a lot of sense.

“Can I tell you something, Cas?” Mia leaned forward, resting her forearms on her thighs. “A romantic relationship is just a friendship with some different and extra parts. If you weren’t Dean’s boyfriend, would you still be feeling this way? Or would you see Charlie and Benny as two more people to be friends with, introduced to you by Dean?”

Cas just shrugged, not wanting to admit that Mia had a very valid point even though it was her job to have these valid points. Thankfully, Mia also didn’t push when Cas didn’t want to talk about things, because she just made a note and changed the subject.

“And how are things with Dean and Jack?” she said. “I know that it was difficulties with these relationships that prompted you to come and see me. Have you been using our strategy?”

‘Their strategy’ was one for whenever Cas was feeling overwhelmed, depressed, or otherwise strongly emotional. Rather than pushing Dean away and secluding himself with his emotions, Cas had been making an effort to instead attempt to communicate that he wasn’t okay and, if he could, what exactly wasn’t okay.

“It’s not perfect,” Cas said. “I still…well, sometimes I still lash out and hide away and do what I used to do.”

“That’s to be expected,” Mia said. “Strategies aren’t going to be effective every single time. They’re just ways of helping you figure out how best to manage a difficult situation.”

“It does work, though,” Cas said. “Even if I can’t put it into words just yet, if Dean knows that I’m not okay then he tries to help.”

“And how does he try to help?”

“Sometimes he brings me something to eat or drink. Sometimes he keeps Jack busy so I don’t have to worry about lashing out and catching him in the crossfire. Sometimes he just sits there and holds me. But he never leaves me alone, even when I yell at him to go away.”

“But do you want him to leave you alone?” Mia looked at Cas rather shrewdly.

“Well…no.”

“Then why do you try to push him away when you need his support?”

They’d arrived at the crux of the issue. Cas took a moment to compose himself so that he didn’t turn into a mess in front of Mia, then mumbled, “Because it doesn’t hurt as much if I do it.”

Mia didn’t say anything, but the way her eyes lit up said it all. Funnily enough, Cas got the impression that she wasn’t triumphant at having figured him out, but rather triumphant because he’d figured himself out, although he couldn’t have explained how he got that impression.

“So, from what you’ve said, you push Dean away to avoid the pain of him pushing you away first,” Mia said. “Do you think that this is a way for you to take control of the situation?”

Cas nodded mutely, unable to make his mouth work to comment on just how succinctly Mia had summed it up. Something he’d noticed in their very first session was that while Mia would summarise what Cas said, she’d never lead him to a conclusion and would often present her thoughts as a question, like she’d just done. It was a very effective tactic, he mused. By asking her clients to answer her questions, she actively engaged them in delving into themselves without allowing them to sit back and let her dissect their brains for them. And as Cas had learned, nothing quite stuck like a conclusion that you reached yourself.

“And why do you think you need that control?” Mia said. “Has Dean given you the impression in any way that you need to remain in control, or that he’s trying to take control away from you?”

“No!” Cas said immediately. “Dean’s amazing. He’s never tried to control me in any way. And he never means to hurt me.”

“Hurt you?”

“Normal couple stuff,” Cas clarified quickly. “Like the time we had an argument and he stormed out and got drunk. He didn’t mean to hurt me – he just needed to get away from the situation until we’d cooled down. It wasn’t something to mess with me emotionally or anything.”

“I see.” Mia made a note in her neat, loopy handwriting. Cas had to resist the urge to try and peek and read her upside-down note. “And have these situations ever made you feel that you’ve lost control?”

“No,” Cas said. “Not – it hurts, but I think I can see that it’s just a normal couple fight, not Dean trying to – the only issue that pops up is my depression, but that jumps on everything.”

“I’m glad to hear that you can make that distinction,” Mia smiled. “You’re a very self-aware man, Cas.”

“Just because I can see what’s wrong doesn’t mean I know what to do about it,” Cas muttered.

“And that’s why I’m here,” Mia said. “To help you figure out what to do about it.” She paused for a moment, just regarding Cas. “Why do you feel the need to keep control, Cas?”

Cas looked down. “You know why.”

“I want to hear you say it. We’re working on your communication skills, remember?”

“Yeah,” Cas laughed weakly, looking back up. “I…Arthur and Meg.”

“What about them?”

“Arthur, he – he needed control over me. And Meg…she just didn’t care. So, with Dean –” Cas ran a hand through his hair. “Dean’s so kind and _understanding_ and he _cares_ and – he’s too _perfect_ , Mia!”

“And so…?” Mia prompted.

“So…” Cas took a deep breath. “It feels like I’m going to completely mess it all up one day. And I just…if I mess it up now, it won’t – it won’t hurt as much. And I’m in control of it.”

“That doesn’t seem very fair to Dean, does it?” Mia said. Cas moaned and covered his face with his hands.

“No!” His voice was muffled. “I know it’s not! And – And Bal _warned_ me about this! He said I’d have to let myself fall for Dean and open myself up to him or end the relationship, because we couldn’t just sit in that early relationship bubble. I thought – I thought after kicking Arthur, I’d be better! But I’m not! Isn’t that supposed to be a climactic moment or something?”

Mia was silent, letting Cas shake his head and groan and rock on the spot and work through his massive emotional upheaval. When Cas finally took a shuddering breath and looked back up, his vision slightly blurry from having been obscured, Mia smiled at him.

“That’s a very important realisation you’ve reached, Cas,” she said. “And now that you’re there, we can figure out how to work on that, can’t we?”

Cas let out a tired laugh, marvelling at how exhausting these sessions were. “Yeah. Yeah, we can."

* * *

 

The minute Cas got home that night, he was greeted by Dean, who swept him into a deep kiss that made Jack complain loudly in the background. Ignoring the whining child, Cas wrapped one arm around Dean’s neck and cupped Dean’s cheek with the other, deepening the kiss but keeping it safe for children so that they didn’t scar Jack for life.

“Not that I’m complaining,” Cas said woozily, stumbling to the couch and sinking down on it, “but what was that for?”

“Can’t I just kiss my boyfriend?” Dean pretended to complain as he headed for the kitchen, which was emitting the rich, heavenly smell of roast chicken. “Do I have to have a reason?”

“Uncle Cas, can you help me with my homework?” Jack said. “Uncle Dean keeps saying that homework is bullshit and he won’t help me.”

“Dean Winchester!” Cas levelled a glare at Dean, who made a cutting-throat gesture at Jack. The young boy just giggled. “I told you not to say that kind of stuff in front of Jack!”

“Hey, I never told him to go repeating me!” Dean said defensively.

“Jack, that’s a bad word,” Cas said. “What have we said about bad words?”

“If Uncle Dean says something, I shouldn’t say it because it’s more than likely naughty,” Jack recited. Dean scoffed in the background.

“Good boy.” Cas ruffled Jack’s hair, and Jack shrieked and batted his hands away. “I’ll help you with your homework in five minutes, okay? I just have to talk to Dean.”

“Okay!” Jack said brightly. While he scrambled to set up his book and pencils, Cas approached Dean in the kitchen and embraced him, kissing him sweetly on the lips.

“How’d your session go today, sunshine?” Dean said, untucking Cas’ shirt so he could slide his hands up Cas’ stomach. Cas shivered violently at the feel of Dean’s warm hands against his bare skin, leaving trails of sparks wherever they touched.

“Really, really well.” Cas looped his thumbs in the belt loops of Dean’s jeans. “We talked about some really important stuff. I…” He looked down. “I realised that a lot of what I do is because I need control. Even lashing out at you…it’s me taking control and pushing you away before you do it to me. At least, that’s what my brain tells me.”

Dean didn’t say anything about that. Cas was grateful for that, because he wasn’t sure if he could have handled Dean trying to be reassuring about his issues or joking about them or anything. Instead, Dean pulled one hand out from Cas’ shirt so he could tangle his fingers in Cas’ hair and gently rest Cas’ head on his chest. Cas closed his eyes and purred softly, nuzzling into Dean’s warm smell of motor oil.

“I’m glad you’re sorting your stuff out,” Dean finally said. He let go of Cas, leaving Cas mourning the other man’s warmth, and returned with a small yellow flower that had been stashed behind the microwave. Cas couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face when Dean presented it to him.

“Dwarf sunflower,” he said softly, running his fingers over the bright yellow petals. “‘Adoration’. Thank you, Dean.”

“‘S true,” Dean said, clearly in slight discomfort. “I adore ya, Cas. Especially with how you’re workin’ on your crap. Should probably do it too but…” He shrugged. “Whatever.”

“Not whatever,” Cas said firmly, leaning in to give Dean a quick kiss. “You really should see Mia. She doesn’t talk down to you or psychoanalyse you like they do in bad soap operas. She pushes you to reach conclusions yourself. She’s just there to…help you do that.”

“Maybe,” Dean said. “But –”

“Uncle Cas!” Jack called. “Are you done yet? Wanna do my homework!”

“Better go help the pipsqueak,” Dean grinned, slapping Cas on the ass. Cas yelped and glared at Dean, though the effect was ruined by his twitching lips. “Dinner’ll be another half hour. And you’re totally coming with me to Sam and Jess’ wedding!” he called after Cas.

“Oh, really?” Cas challenged, though the elation causing his insides to bubble mitigated his desire to cause hell for Dean about the unorthodox invitation. Instead, he simply said, “It’s a good thing that Jess invited me today, then, when she asked me to handle the floral arrangements.”

The look on Dean’s face was totally priceless, like he couldn’t decide whether he wanted to be ecstatic that Cas had been personally requested by his future sister-in-law or annoyed that Jess had one-upped him. Cas just smiled sweetly and then began to read over Jack’s homework questions, shooting constant looks at the sunflower resting on the coffee table and wondering how the hell he got so lucky to have a wonderful nephew and an absolutely amazing boyfriend.


End file.
